Can Politics Break a Marriage?
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With the United States rapidly approaching a fraught presidential election, I’ve been wondering whether political differences can end a marriage.
In all my years of practicing Family Law, I’ve never had someone come to me and say that the only reason they’re divorcing is because of political differences. That said, I think it can be a contributing factor that breaks a young marriage.
For a couple that’s been together a long time, if they have a deep level of respect for one another, I don’t think politics will break them apart.
But any fundamental difference in values or priorities can strain a relationship. And, left unfettered for years, could bring a couple to the brink.
These are really difficult times. Politics are polarized and incredibly divisive, and people feel the need to dig lines in the sand.
A long-lasting marriage depends on aligning values on most of the important things in life and respecting inevitable differences.
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Recently, in the final season of the Netflix series, Vikings Valhalla, I marveled at the marriage between King Canute (of Viking origins) and Queen Emma (a Christian from Normandy). Back then, Vikings and Christians were at mortal odds. When Canute died, his widow presided over a ceremonial Christian burial. But unbeknownst to the populace, the king’s body was not buried in that closed coffin. Instead, it was sent to sea in a traditional Viking burial.
For the public eye, Canute had converted long ago to Christianity. He’d even built a connection with the Pope in Rome. But inside, his wife knew he was a Viking, always and forever. I admired her quiet acceptance of his values, and respected the character’s desire to give him a farewell in his own tradition.
When you think about it, two individuals don’t have to agree on even the most important values to share a life. If you can hold your own beliefs close and know them to be true for you, but resist the urge to preach or convert, you’ll have the best chance of communing with others, no matter their views.
People change and evolve over time. It takes time to decide to divorce. Rarely is one issue the culminating factor prompting a split.
If you believe politics is the fraying point in your relationship, I’ll bet there are other issues of division, too.
Politics can affect your post-divorce life, too. We saw this during COVID, when people had different stances on vaccines or staying in a bubble, and that impacted co-parenting for many families.
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Then, parents were concerned about safety and exposure and health, of course. People on both sides of the equation truly believed their perspective was the right one to protect their children.
In such a divisive political time, if co-parents hold different political views, it could inspire distrust or even malicious comments or worse, behaviors, toward their co-parent, which can make co-parenting difficult.
I have a friend whose mother was a Republican and his father was a Democrat. They had mutual respect throughout their long marriage. At the family table, my friend heard their different views, and the parents were content to allow him to make his own choices when he was older. They never argued over politics.
No couple is aligned on everything. A strong relationship depends on having the independence to do what is meaningful to you and still be in a relationship that is close and connected and founded on respect. You can have shared values but vote differently. If you need your partner to agree with you on everything, the issue is likely more about your commitment to your beliefs than it is about the marriage.