This week, the United States inaugurates a new President, with a major change in Administration after a tumultuous election season. There are many reasons why change can be good, and in this blog, I’d like to focus on how the new American presidency might affect divorce, marriage and the way people get along in our nation.
We know that Americans are deeply divided. If the last year showed us anything, it’s that we may all be united by citizenship, but we remain in opposition to one another in ideology, belief, practice, and politics.
Whether America can survive as a functioning democracy remains to be seen. More than 8 million people are excited this week about Joe Biden becoming our next U.S. President. And yet, 7 million people voted to retain Donald Trump for another term.
That’s a big gap.
What lies ahead for our nation depends on whether we can find a way for ALL Americans to believe in the possibility of America once again. Can we come together in shared values and vision?
After the November election, it felt like some of the rampant divisiveness calmed a little. I hope that the Biden Administration gives us time to try to readjust the scales, get back into balance.
Some people who are more progressive, or did not want to retain Donald Trump, but who may not quite be on the Biden bandwagon, may have expectations for what lies ahead. Wherever we stand on the political spectrum, we must be careful to hold realistic expectations for what is possible.
A President is ONE human trying to make decisions on behalf of one of the largest nations in the world, populated by so many varieties of people. It is not an easy job for anyone, and I have yet to see a candidate who speaks and moves for ALL the people.
We’ve debated and discussed, blocked and welcomed. We’ve argued over what is best for our people, what is the way forward.
As a divorce lawyer, I look at the lessons we are beginning to pull from the last year, and the last four years, and the new presidency ahead, and I think, there is advice in all this for marriages and relationships. Here is what I have to offer:
Just like a President can only do so much in the first 100 days of an Administration, so too a relationship can only withstand so much effort and energy in its early days.
We must have realistic expectations for every relationship – and for the humans in those relationships.
We are, as a species, easily disappointed, and easily excited. The healthiest place is to live in between those extremes.
We cannot put all our hope into one person to lead us forward. Whether a President, or a spouse/partner.
That said, we must respect the expertise of our leaders. For a marital relationship, that means take advice from those who’ve endured through decades – don’t think you know better than they do how to make a marriage work! (I’m thinking of all the Dr. Fauci haters who think they know how to handle a pandemic better.)
There is no perfect partner. Only you can strive to be the best you can be and forgive the faults of your partner. (We should remember this when President Biden isn’t perfect. He can’t be. He’s human. He’ll do things we won’t agree with, but that doesn’t make his Administration evil.)
Keep your expectations in check, stay realistic, and remember there is no perfect system.
Whether it’s a marriage or a political position, or the leader of the free world, we’re all doing the best we can. Go into it with this perspective – knowing that there will be disappointments, arguments, and reasons to celebrate.
Happy New Year! It’s 2020, not only a new year, but a new decade!!
And with this change of the calendar, hopefully it’s a new YOU.
I look at the round numbers of 2020, the symmetry in the year, and I think about how I can bring symmetry and balance into my life and my work in 2020. An ophthalmologist friend of mine also pointed out that “20-20” is perfect vision! I am working with my marketing consultant on clearly visioning the future for Transitions Legal, the foundational narrative, our story, and our strategy.
It’s a fresh start, everyone!
What does this year mean in the universe?
According to tarot cards and psychic mediums, 2020 is an angel number, assuring us that angels are ready to support us in life. This means we have everything we need to live life to the fullest. The number 2020 also appears when we need to create a sense of calm. Are you there? Does this speak to you?
In numerology, the number 2020 reminds us that our only limits are the ones we place on ourselves. So, word to the wise, don’t erect walls between yourself and others this year.
The number 2 resonates with vibrations and attributes of service and duty, balance and harmony, adaptability, diplomacy, cooperation, and love. Number 2 rightly signifies partnerships and relationships, two sides of things, insights and intuition.
Do you know your divine life purpose? What is your soul mission? Now might be a good time to investigate.
The number 0 carries energies of the “God” force and the universe. When 0 comes up, it signifies the importance of developing your spiritual side, looking for oneness, wholeness, potential, beginnings.
2020 is set to be a year of spirituality, a time to cultivate a rich inner life. It’s also a time to care for your partner, defend your love. (Does this sound odd coming from a divorce attorney? Love and divorce are not mutually exclusive!)
Get organized, become focused in your work life, take opportunities seriously, and most importantly – be kind, it’s a good place to start this year.
What do you see on the horizon for 2020? Share your hopes and dreams with me here.
It’s important to step out of our routine, get away from familiar surroundings to gain a new perspective.
This happens for me when I travel, but you don’t have to leave town to gain this important insight. It can be as easy as taking your spouse to the mall and offering to buy some sexy lingerie or a yummy-scented candle to ignite a spark in the relationship, or it can simply be going to dinner somewhere new and really listening to what your partner has to say.
You can even do it alone. Take a walk in the woods. Run in the rain. Spend a Saturday binging on mindless TV. Write in a journal. Meditate.
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash
Stepping away from routine and familiarity is good for relationships. It’s good for gaining clarity. It’s good for building balance.
During a regular week, I am often stressed and that makes me not always nice to those around me.
When I leave that setting, my mood and tone change almost immediately – and it reminds me how much I need to build that in to my daily life, not just wait for special trips or occasions.
For many people, different scenes lead to a different you.
Alone Time is Powerful
Create ways to have special time by yourself, with your partner, with each of your children, and as a family.
You don’t have to spring for a fancy vacation; try to find little getaways where you get to connect – make a picnic, go kayaking, stroll through a farmer’s market.
Life is cyclical, and so are relationships. Don’t fall prey to the dips and falls of those cycles; take charge by creating new places and experiences to see life differently, to gain perspective. When you do, everyone wins.