There are many issues tied up in this concept that I want to unpack. First, there’s the notion that it is easy for couples with means to divorce amicably. After all, one of the most contentious points of divorce – and of marriage! – is money.
There are many issues tied up in this concept that I want to unpack. First, there’s the notion that it is easy for couples with means to divorce amicably. After all, one of the most contentious points of divorce – and of marriage! – is money. Couples who struggle financially are likely to battle about finances when they separate. Couples who don’t need to worry about money won’t worry about it in any state. Financial solvency truly paves an amicable path.
On the other hand, I do love when people talk about “after 25 years of marriage, if we could do it all again, we would.” When a couple divorces after more than two decades of marriage, they can honestly say that they gave it a good run, they are grateful for the years they were together, and they can maturely go their separate ways.
That’s what maturity does to people. It gives you perspective, which is empowering. Perspective puts divorce in the proper context.
A 25-year marriage, like the one the Bezos’ had, cannot be considered a failure. Many of those years were surely good.
There is wisdom in this statement that 25 years of marriage is a “success.” Generations ago, a 25-year marriage might have been all a couple expected, with shorter life expectancy rates.
Today, however, as people are living longer and healthier, 25 years is one period of time. Who knows what the next period holds?
You may not understand what happens behind the scenes of your case, so I’d like to let you in on the inside view.
We work really hard for you. We hear everything you say. We feel your pain. We know this is a trying time in your life, perhaps the most trying time you’ve ever faced.
We know this is URGENT for you. We know you want to move it along as quickly as possible, just to escape the pain.
We hear you. We see you. We know.
That said, you must understand that divorce is a process and it takes time to unfold. Your divorce will take as much time as it needs to. There are many moving parts, many voices, many facts and many ways to interpret them.
You want instant answers and instant outcomes, but that is not realistic. It’s frustrating, we know. It’s disconcerting to not have an immediate response. Please know that while you are not our only client, when we are with you, our sole focus is on you and your case. But when we part, we have to do other work, or behind-the-scenes work, or even take a breather to maintain our personal sanity.
You know it’s not your-case-all-the-time and you wouldn’t want it to be.
We listen carefully, we read between the lines, we are straightforward with our expectations and opportunities. We ask that you do the same. If you can, we’ll get along just fine.
We are glad you’re here. We hope you are, too. We will all get through this, despite the bumps in the road, the pitfalls and unexpected curve balls. It is important we own our roles. We’re here to guide you through the bad times and the good. And there will be good. Trust us. It will work out in the end.
It’s important to step out of our routine, get away from familiar surroundings to gain a new perspective.
This happens for me when I travel, but you don’t have to leave town to gain this important insight. It can be as easy as taking your spouse to the mall and offering to buy some sexy lingerie or a yummy-scented candle to ignite a spark in the relationship, or it can simply be going to dinner somewhere new and really listening to what your partner has to say.
You can even do it alone. Take a walk in the woods. Run in the rain. Spend a Saturday binging on mindless TV. Write in a journal. Meditate.
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash
Stepping away from routine and familiarity is good for relationships. It’s good for gaining clarity. It’s good for building balance.
During a regular week, I am often stressed and that makes me not always nice to those around me.
When I leave that setting, my mood and tone change almost immediately – and it reminds me how much I need to build that in to my daily life, not just wait for special trips or occasions.
For many people, different scenes lead to a different you.
Alone Time is Powerful
Create ways to have special time by yourself, with your partner, with each of your children, and as a family.
You don’t have to spring for a fancy vacation; try to find little getaways where you get to connect – make a picnic, go kayaking, stroll through a farmer’s market.
Life is cyclical, and so are relationships. Don’t fall prey to the dips and falls of those cycles; take charge by creating new places and experiences to see life differently, to gain perspective. When you do, everyone wins.