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Divorce’s Biggest Growth Opportunity: Gray Divorce
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The biggest growth area in divorce these days is in what we call “Gray Divorce” involving older adults.
Many times that’s because it’s second or third marriage, people have already divorced once, and they’re not afraid to do it again. Plus, many people who divorce and remarry never quite understand and resolve the reasons their first marriage didn’t work out, bringing their own relationship challenges into their next union.
May is Older Americans Month and according to the U.S. Census Bureau, as of July 1, 2025, 18 percent of the nearly 342 million people in the United States are older than 65. And according to a 2023 article in AARP Magazine, boomers (people born between 1946 and 1964), aka older adults, are divorcing more than any other generation of people.
Between 1990 and 2021, the rate of divorce among older adults — Americans age 65 and older — tripled. This used to be a rare thing, seeing your grandparents break up. They’d come this far, they reasoned, might as well stick it out.
Photo by Marisa Howenstine on Unsplash
No more! These days, one in four divorces occurs in people of this age group.
There are many reasons, of course. One is that in that population, people may have already divorced and remarried and second (and third) marriages have less of a chance of lasting than first marriages.
But even among the older population, there are couples who have been together for decades who are deciding to end their long-term marriages–Gray Divorce!
Why? Because women feel more empowered, both emotionally and financially, when in the past they didn’t have much agency.
If you’re older and divorcing, make sure you know what your resources are. (I’d say the same for any population divorcing, frankly, but the longer you live, and the longer you’re together, the more complicated it becomes to divide up your assets.)
Recently, I had a couple come to me for a prenuptial agreement. They were older (in their 60s and 70s) and the husband wanted to make sure if something happens to him, his wife would be covered financially. She didn’t bring much to the late-in-life marriage, so he was looking out for her.
And I learned, after doing a bit of research, that generally, so long as you are married for at least 9 months, the surviving spouse is eligible to receive the social security survivor benefits based on her new spouse’s record.
Social Security Is Not an Asset
Something we need to talk about with our Gray Divorces and prenuptial clients is that social security is another resource to consider, and the government has its own rules!
Social security is not an asset. Everybody’s social security is their own, but so many women of this generation didn’t work, and if they divorced at midlife or later, it wasn’t necessarily an ideal time to create a career.
These spouses have several options and it is wise to meet with a financial advisor or a social security benefits expert to understand their best option to maximize social security benefits in their particular situation.
For instance, if they were married for more than a decade during their first marriage, they can draw off their divorced spouse’s social security; but if they remarry, that benefit is usually forfeited (there are exceptions). It’s another resource lawyers need to be thinking about when working with couples in the gray generation.
Watch Your Mental Health
Photo by Zhen Yao on Unsplash
Another thing to be aware of with Gray Divorce is the chance for depression or a hit to emotional well-being with the split, especially among women. Studies show that when older women develop a disability or chronic illness, some husbands are ready to hoof it, while that doesn’t happen in equal numbers when it’s the husband who falls ill.
Since seniors face depression at increasing rates and society often looks the other way, we want to watch the mental health of our older populations when their lives fall apart like this.
And it’s worse when couple-friends choose a side, abandoning one of the spouses post-divorce.
Recently, I met a man on a plane whose marriage ended after 35 years. “My wife just told me one day that she didn’t want to be married to me anymore,” he said. “It wasn’t a great marriage, but I would’ve stayed for the kids and grandkids.”
Although the divorce happened several years ago, he was still crushed by it enough to share with me, a stranger. For any person, the sting of being left can linger, but after decades of marriage, it can be even harder to shed the feelings of hurt, abandonment and loneliness.
So while Gray Divorce may be the biggest growth area we family law attorneys are seeing, we must remain mindful of all the complicating factors that accompany this population of divorcing couples. This is why Gray Divorce is especially suited for Collaborative Divorce, where a financial advisor and a mental health professional are part of the team.