I’ve spent years honing my legal practice and...

Reflecting On What Matters
An essential first step when people decide to divorce is figuring out what matters most to them.
In fact, I decided to offer my new workbook package, Our Family in Two Homes, to help people articulate their priorities before starting the actual divorce process. It’s that important!!
I’ve lost count of how many times the adult children of a divorcing couple field hurt and nurse wounds from their parents’ split – and the older couple did not realize this could happen because their children were already grown!
For couples with children, I hear time and time again that their kids matter most. Often, they’re not worried about money or property because their primary concern is their kids. And people are willing to give up a lot for what they perceive as their kids’ well-being.
But that can only get you so far. There are child support guidelines in the state of Michigan (and in every state), and parties can deviate from the guidelines, but only if there is a good reason to do so. Ultimately, divorcing parents must be able to provide a home and everything their kids need, so making too many financial sacrifices during a divorce won’t help as much as it may hurt.
Also, your kids may be the most important thing to you, but it’s likely they are also top priority to the other parent and you want to be careful not to create a power struggle over your children.
When older couples divorce, they often also emphasize that their family is their priority, and that might include grandchildren, children-in-law and more. Again, preserving those relationships is primary, and if the divorce becomes bitter, that can be hard to do.
I’ve lost count of how many times the adult children of a divorcing couple field hurt and nurse wounds from their parents’ split – and the older couple did not realize this could happen because their children were already grown!
When adult children take sides, it really hurts because not only are you losing your child, but you may lose access to the grandchildren. Be careful not to burden your adult children with your woes or inadvertently make them take sides – it will only hurt everyone in the long-run.
It’s always wise to consider engaging in family counseling when going through a divorce. That way, all parties can have the support they need, and everyone can work toward preserving their prized relationships as they adjust to this new family norm.

The end of a calendar year is a good time to reflect on what matters to you. Whether you’re going through a divorce or not, checking in with your priorities and how they inform your life decisions is always time well spent. I recommend doing so once a year at least, to make sure you are in touch with your inner needs and living your life to the best of your ability.