Americans as a nation are obsessed with happiness. So what does it take to be happily divorced?
After all, the promise of happiness written into our founding documents: From the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
The thing is, happiness is subjective and it’s also completely within our control. In fact, that’s the only place it can begin – because if we are dependent upon outside forces to deliver satisfaction to us, we are going to ride a ridiculous emotional roller coaster.
So how can someone be happily divorced?
Simple. Decide to be.
Ok, I know that’s a bit too easy, but the sentiment isn’t far off. Because to be happily divorced, you have to accept your situation, choose to find the opportunity in the misfortune and commit every day to strive for personal growth and acceptance.
People going through divorce face an array of emotions. Disbelief. Sadness. Hurt. Anger. Denial. Depression. Elation. Sometimes all at once!
But at Transitions Legal, we view divorce as neither good nor bad – it’s a transition from one phase of life to another. You were married to a person one day and the next you no longer are. That’s all it is – the judgment is purely fabricated from within.
So once we accept this undeniable truth, we can begin to understand that all emotions are created within our own minds, and we can make choices to lead us toward the emotions we want to embrace – and not the ones we want to shed.
If you want to be happy, what will it take to make you happy? Even if you’re feeling sadness at the loss of the marriage, this too shall pass. One day, you won’t feel quite so sad. Each person must move through the emotions that come to them, knowing that they are temporary. That’s the only way to get to the other side.
Happiness is hard to define. You’d think it would be obvious, but it’s not!
From the Greater Good at University of California Berkeley: “…to understand the causes and effects of happiness, researchers first need to define it. For most, the term happiness is interchangeable with “subjective well-being,” which is typically measured by asking people about how satisfied they feel with their lives, how much positive and negative emotion they tend to feel and their sense of meaning and purpose.”
The article continues: “In her 2007 book The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”
And finally, “It’s important to note that social and cultural factors also influence how we think about happiness. For example, studies by William Tov and others have found that people from cultures that embrace more collectivist ideals think about happiness more in terms of harmony and contentment, while more individualistic-minded people connect it to feelings of exuberance and joy. Happiness levels are also shaped by social groups, like families; happier people increase the happiness of people around them.”
Simply put, happiness is a choice, and it’s a state of mind. How you define happiness will depend on whether or not you feel happy. So why not work on the definition so it serves your ultimate goal?
In the end, you can be happily divorced if you accept your circumstances and each morning commit anew to doing something that will bring you satisfaction, contentment and connection that day. One day at a time, that’s how happiness is built.