The biggest growth area in divorce these days is in what we call “Gray Divorce” involving older adults.
Many times that’s because it’s second or third marriage, people have already divorced once, and they’re not afraid to do it again. Plus, many people who divorce and remarry never quite understand and resolve the reasons their first marriage didn’t work out, bringing their own relationship challenges into their next union.
May is Older Americans Month and according to the U.S. Census Bureau, as of July 1, 2025, 18 percent of the nearly 342 million people in the United States are older than 65. And according to a 2023 article in AARP Magazine, boomers (people born between 1946 and 1964), aka older adults, are divorcing more than any other generation of people.
Between 1990 and 2021, the rate of divorce among older adults — Americans age 65 and older — tripled. This used to be a rare thing, seeing your grandparents break up. They’d come this far, they reasoned, might as well stick it out.
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No more! These days, one in four divorces occurs in people of this age group.
There are many reasons, of course. One is that in that population, people may have already divorced and remarried and second (and third) marriages have less of a chance of lasting than first marriages.
But even among the older population, there are couples who have been together for decades who are deciding to end their long-term marriages–Gray Divorce!
Why? Because women feel more empowered, both emotionally and financially, when in the past they didn’t have much agency.
If you’re older and divorcing, make sure you know what your resources are. (I’d say the same for any population divorcing, frankly, but the longer you live, and the longer you’re together, the more complicated it becomes to divide up your assets.)
Recently, I had a couple come to me for a prenuptial agreement. They were older (in their 60s and 70s) and the husband wanted to make sure if something happens to him, his wife would be covered financially. She didn’t bring much to the late-in-life marriage, so he was looking out for her.
And I learned, after doing a bit of research, that generally, so long as you are married for at least 9 months, the surviving spouse is eligible to receive the social security survivor benefits based on her new spouse’s record.
Social Security Is Not an Asset
Something we need to talk about with our Gray Divorces and prenuptial clients is that social security is another resource to consider, and the government has its own rules!
Social security is not an asset. Everybody’s social security is their own, but so many women of this generation didn’t work, and if they divorced at midlife or later, it wasn’t necessarily an ideal time to create a career.
These spouses have several options and it is wise to meet with a financial advisor or a social security benefits expert to understand their best option to maximize social security benefits in their particular situation.
For instance, if they were married for more than a decade during their first marriage, they can draw off their divorced spouse’s social security; but if they remarry, that benefit is usually forfeited (there are exceptions). It’s another resource lawyers need to be thinking about when working with couples in the gray generation.
Watch Your Mental Health
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Another thing to be aware of with Gray Divorce is the chance for depression or a hit to emotional well-being with the split, especially among women. Studies show that when older women develop a disability or chronic illness, some husbands are ready to hoof it, while that doesn’t happen in equal numbers when it’s the husband who falls ill.
Since seniors face depression at increasing rates and society often looks the other way, we want to watch the mental health of our older populations when their lives fall apart like this.
And it’s worse when couple-friends choose a side, abandoning one of the spouses post-divorce.
Recently, I met a man on a plane whose marriage ended after 35 years. “My wife just told me one day that she didn’t want to be married to me anymore,” he said. “It wasn’t a great marriage, but I would’ve stayed for the kids and grandkids.”
Although the divorce happened several years ago, he was still crushed by it enough to share with me, a stranger. For any person, the sting of being left can linger, but after decades of marriage, it can be even harder to shed the feelings of hurt, abandonment and loneliness.
So while Gray Divorce may be the biggest growth area we family law attorneys are seeing, we must remain mindful of all the complicating factors that accompany this population of divorcing couples. This is why Gray Divorce is especially suited for Collaborative Divorce, where a financial advisor and a mental health professional are part of the team.
Looking back on 12 years of Transitions Legal, part of me wishes I had started this way of practicing family law sooner—it’s that good!!
This was me way back when…
In reality, I started practicing on my own before 2013, but that was the year I rebranded as Transitions Legal and started really thinking about how I practice family law, why I practice that way, and how I want to be know as a divorce lawyer.
What changed at that time to propel me into all of this was that I realized I wanted to grow a law firm. I had been building my legal practice and by 2013, I wanted to support and mentor other professionals.
So I embarked on a branding campaign and a thoughtful messaging development initiative to articulate who I am as a lawyer and how I practice family law.
I’ll be honest—I envisioned growing this firm to include younger associates who would carry the mantle of my approach to family law and maybe one day, take over the firm when I chose to retire. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Transitions Legal has always remained small with a lean, focused team.
But I am so proud of what I’ve built! What began as a unique approach to practicing “mediative” family law—a term I coined which meant bringing a Mediator’s lens to the practice of divorce law, even in litigation—has evolved to be a completely new way of looking at the legal aspects of divorce.
I’ve been fortunate to be interviewed in news media often over the years, to share my unique approach to family law
Fast forward 12 years and I am excited about focusing solely on Mediation and out-of-court divorce processes like Collaborative Divorce.
I grew the firm for years, and now it’s time for me to focus on my own practice and how I want to show up in the divorce space. I’ve always aligned my values with my legal practice and that remains true today.
As individuals we constantly grow and change, and I am seeing that with myself, too. While once I was driven by the energy of court-room cases, now it’s the last thing in want to be involved in.
I’ve seen so much unnecessary battling and combativeness that it’s turned me off entirely to court-based divorce.
Thankfully, over the years, I have developed my skills to be able to focus on out-of-court divorce processes like Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. I’ve built global relationships that have built my legal practice in new and unexpected ways!
All these years of running Transitions Legal has been a process of refining my legal style and watching the times change to align with my preferred ways to practice divorce law. Today, people are more receptive to out-of-court approaches—in fact, many clamor to it!
Older people seeking Gray Divorces—divorce after age 50—are especially included to choose out-of-court processes for divorce. They don’t want to engage in needless sniping and pettiness. They know there is another way, as do I.
They are older and wiser and don’t want attorneys speaking for them. They don’t need that, frankly, and I am happy to let my clients lead. I always have been!
Younger people today are more mindful of money and want to spend their hard-earned savings in other areas. I can’t blame them! Who wants to pour all their cash down the divorce drain?
My younger clients prioritize travel and homeownership over fighting.
I’ve been working with my marketing guru Lynne Golodner since the very beginning of Transitions Legal
It’s a meeting of the minds and times. My focus now, in addition to out-of-court divorce processes, is bringing along other attorneys who want to find alternative, less combative ways to practice family law.
Many young attorneys these days don’t have any interest in litigating! They see there are better ways to end marriages, many having never been in an actual court building due to the pandemic.
The industry is changing—perhaps it’s waking up—as we all learn better ways to settle grievances.
Twelve years into this entrepreneurial ride, I can honestly say that I’ve been pleased, I’ve been surprised, and I’ve continued to grow. What more could a divorce attorney ask for?
Gray Divorce, the phenomenon of ending a marriage after age 50, is on the rise and has been for some years now. It’s also one of the specialties of our law firm.
But what’s behind this trend of splitting at midlife or later?
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A year ago, the American Bar Association wrote about how “70s are the new 50s,” distinguishing the differences between Gray Divorce and a split involving younger couples.
The article offers these statistics: 25 percent of all divorces today involve people age 50 or older, with those featuring couples 65 and up counting for one in ten divorces. What, exactly, is going on?
First, it’s understandable if, after a few decades together, a couple has grown apart or no longer connects in the way they did when they were younger. We change throughout our lives and sometimes, we change so much that we are no longer compatible with our spouses.
No harm, no foul, right?
By age 50, many couples have been together for several decades or longer, and it’s often the time when children are leaving for college and living adult lives of their own – pitting a couple in close proximity to focus only on each other. It’s easy to fall into a rut when you’re chasing after your children and only realize there’s a rift in the relationship once those children are gone.
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Another reason for the spike in Gray Divorce is that people are living longer, and if you’re looking down the road to another 20, 30, 40 years of life, and you haven’t created the partnership you want or need with your spouse, you might want to go it alone or see what else is out there.
Whatever the reason, divorce at any age has its issues, and the older couples get, and the more assets and resources they amass, the more complicated a divorce might be. Especially if they’ve already retired!
Regardless of the situation, though, the best way to proceed with a marital breakup is to articulate your individual values, identify what’s important to you today and for the future, and let this information guide your split. You won’t get everything you want – no one does – but it will be easier to compromise and to divorce with dignity when you know what matters most.
While the pandemic itself is mostly behind us, we are living with COVID-19 as a regular virus for the most part, and life is starting to look more livable. Here’s a look at what we can expect in 2023 trends in family law and divorce.
Less Adversarial Approaches to Divorce
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People are realizing how beneficial it is to break up with dignity and grace, and how much more affordable it can be, so I anticipate more couples wanting a less adversarial approach to divorce. Sometimes called “no-fault divorce,” it’s always better to look ahead as opposed to looking behind at what caused discontent.
More Gray Divorce
As the Baby Boomer generation continues to age and Generation X is closely on their heels, we will continue to see a surge in Gray Divorce, the term for couples who break up after age 50. These relationships may have simply run their course, with the couple growing apart as they advance in career and personal pursuits.
Every year, more lawyers become certified Collaborative practitioners once they see the benefits of a team approach to divorce. This dovetails with the prediction of less adversarial approaches to divorce in the year ahead!
More Divorce Filings by Women
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This has been a hot trend in the 21st century as women gain financial independence. That will impact 2023 trends in divorce, too! Fully two-thirds of divorce filings in recent years have been initiated by women. It used to be that a woman only had access and agency when she was married. Not so anymore!
Continued Decline in Divorce Overall
Younger generations are not as quick to marry as their forebears, which makes them cautious and mindful – and less likely to divorce when they delay marriage and think it through more fully. For the last decade, the divorce rate in America has steadily declined, and we will likely continue to see that fall in the year ahead!
May is Older Americans Month, a term I hate because after all, what is an Older American? It is supposed to refer to the elders of our communities, which I guess I’d be considered, but I certainly don’t feel that I am!
Similarly, Gray Divorce, the growing trend since 1990 of couples past age 50 who call it quits, refers to older adults who decide to break up once they’ve gone gray. Again, not the best term, though it does roll off the tongue.
Regardless of the terminology, though, Gray Divorce is a growing trend that is predicted to explode by 2030! We support more and more Gray Divorce clients, who are by definition older Americans, and I find there are some similarities among these cases.
First, people reach a certain point in their lives, or their relationships, when they feel confident enough to know what they want and buck societal expectations to go for it.
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Maybe they wanted to leave earlier, but worried they’d field criticism, judgment or abandonment by friends or family. Then they get to a point where they realize that no one’s opinion matters other than their own.
Also, there are some couples who enjoyed a respectable marriage – 20 or 30 years, perhaps – and simply outgrew the relationship or each other. There is nothing to lament! It’s OK to move on at midlife.
Especially because we are all living longer these days and may have many careers – why wouldn’t the same evolution happen with our personal pursuits?
Alisa Peskin-Shepherd on FOX 2 Detroit in 2016, talking about Gray Divorce
Finally, many couples wait until their children are grown to call it quits. They may think that it will be easier on their kids once they’re out of the house – but I have news for you. It is NEVER easy on the children when a couple divorces. Sorry to say – even fully grown adults with kids of their own will experience emotions and have opinions if their parents break up.
Regardless of the reasons, Gray Divorce is a fact of the 21st century. Learn more about it here. And check out my interview on FOX 2 Detroit about Gray Divorce.
And if you’d like to discuss how this might apply to you, click here to set up a consultative call.
