The Second Most Important Decision You’ll Ever Make

The Second Most Important Decision You’ll Ever Make

by | Jul 15, 2019 | Legal Process

The Second Most Important Decision You’ll Ever Make

It’s the romantic line in an intense RomCom – this is the most important decision you’ll ever make.

Of course, in that context, the actor is likely referring to the decision to marry someone. I’m well-versed in what may be the second most important decision you’ll ever make: choosing a divorce lawyer.

Yeah, it’s a bit sour grapes to put these two ideas together, but I got your attention, didn’t I? And even more importantly, both statements are true.

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Choosing a Life Partner

Many people marry when they are young and idealistic. Choosing a life partner at that stage can be a crap shoot. Maybe it works out, and maybe it doesn’t. It takes a lot of hard work and an enduring commitment from both partners.

What long-time married folks will tell you is that a more important decision than whom you marry is the decision you make every morning when you open your eyes and glance over at the snoring lump in the bed beside you: the decision to look for the good in your partner every day to ensure that you stay married, and enjoy doing so.

When to Choose a Divorce Lawyer

Unfortunately, many people have not gotten the memo on this important decision. Successful marriages are not made by romance or luck or choosing well. They’re made by overlooking the things that annoy you about your spouse and focusing instead on the qualities you appreciate about them.

When you can no longer do this, it’s time to make another important decision: choose a divorce lawyer to walk alongside you through the process of ending your marriage.

So, how do you make that right choice? With four easy steps:

Ask for referrals.

Friends, family, colleagues, neighbors. Ask around for recommendations of family law attorneys hired by people you trust. When they give you a name and a number, ask more questions – what, exactly, did you like about this person? What do they do well? What is NOT their expertise?

Decide on your divorce path.

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This requires research and knowledge. Do you want a Collaborative Divorce? Litigation? Mediation? The most amicable divorce on the planet? Your chosen approach will lead you to people who specialize in practicing the way you want to go. And while you’re researching, check out the credentials and reviews of the lawyers referred to you. Anyone with a besmirched reputation should be crossed off the list.

Conduct interviews.

While your best friend might have loved her attorney, you might find out that the personality doesn’t match yours once you meet. Most attorneys will give free consultations where you can try each other on for size, and see if you’ll work well together. Take advantage of this, and take your time will doing so. Once you lock in on something, it can be gazelle-intense into the process.

Set a budget.

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I’m the first to admit, legal representation is not a cheap endeavor. Be realistic with yourself and your potential attorney regarding how much you have to spend. This can be an important deciding factor that determines what path you take or whom you hire.

Are you looking for a family law attorney? Set up a free consultation with me, and we’ll see if it’s a fit!

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Marriage Isn’t Everything

Marriage Isn’t Everything

by | Jul 2, 2018 | Off Topic

Marriage Isn’t Everything

Many of us have grown up in a fairy tale society where little girls have the vision of Disney princesses being whisked off by daring, dashing princes. They choose Halloween costumes all fluffy and shiny, with tiaras and wands. They believe that a romantic prince or king or handsome man on a gorgeous horse is their dream-come-true. Little boys believe in being a rescuer, saving a damsel in distress; where revealing their true emotions is a sign of weakness.

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We all grow up thinking the goal is to get married, have children, and live happily ever after. When that doesn’t always work out, we divorce, lick our wounds, lift ourselves up by our boots and believe romance and relationships are still possible. After all, according to all the movies and TV shows, this is what we’re meant to do – pair off, walk hand-in-hand into the sunset.

But what if that’s not what every human is destined for? What if coupling isn’t really for everyone?

I know it’s daring to say it, but I don’t think marriage is the be-all end-all that our society has created it to be.

Frankly, marriage isn’t for everyone. That’s the story we’re told, the cycle of life. Some religions even offer a notion that our meant-to-be is predestined before we are even born, written in the stars, and the connection will last more than a lifetime, into the hereafter.

This is all societal construct. Sure, there are many people who want to share their life with someone. Who do better when they are in a relationship. Who love nurturing another and being nurtured.

But it’s not for everyone. And that has to be ok.

It does not feel optional to opt-out of marriage in our society.

Or in any society, for that matter.

It’s a global message to find a partner and stick it out through thick and thin, even if you’d rather spend time alone, even if they become your least favorite person.

And along with that message is another that if you’re not paired off, something is missing from your life, or something is wrong with you.

Not true.

It’s perfectly fine to decide you’d rather walk through life alone.

We each come into this world alone – loved, mostly, by those who brought us here, but we are ultimately alone. I believe each person has his or her unique destiny, their own way to contribute to the world, to make the world better during their years on Earth.

That may include relationships. And it may not.

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