In The Room Where It Happens

In The Room Where It Happens

In The Room Where It Happens

travel work

Can you feel the energy?

Can you see it pulse in the sky, beneath the clouds? Can you feel it emanate from the person seated next to you?

Is your energy swirling in the middle of your rib cage? Do you feel a vibration when you’re sure you’re sitting still?

Energy is powerful, and it’s all around us.

If you can tune in to the energy in the room when you’re going through a divorce, you will be in a better position to succeed both during the process and once it’s finished.

There is your energy, of course, which comes as a result of your emotions, fears, and apprehensions. When you can breathe deeply and calm yourself, your energy will be more balanced and fuel you for positive negotiations, leading to livable outcomes.

But the energy of others – that is something you cannot control.

You can, however, avoid responding to it.
Energy affects the process. You can either let it happen unconsciously or you can notice it, recognize it, and accept that it’s there. When you do that, it can’t control the process.

A lot of people think the idea of energy and its power is hokey-pokey, but all I can tell you is if you go to a true energy healer who is a medium, you can feel the energy as it’s moving.

travel work

Have you ever participated in that popular ice breaker where everyone stands in a circle and you hold your hands up to the people next to you, not touching, just to feel their energy buzzing? It’s real.

There is an energy around us to take with us wherever we go. It is a very real thing. (In fact, read this article about what some are terming the “Big Divorce Energy” of 2019.)

Some people believe we are energetically entwined with people we’ve had strong or long relationships with. There is a practice known as cord-cutting where you cut the energetic cords connecting you to that person, thereby freeing yourself from the hurt of the past, once and for all. (Read about it here.)

Many ancient religions believe in the energetic pathways and the need for healing when our energy is corrupted or broken. Some people believe the individuality of humans is an illusion and all that we are is energy. (Have I totally lost you on this woo-woo stuff now?)

Understand how to move and manipulate your energy.

I bet you know something about what I’m saying, even if it’s just on the surface. You know when someone comes near you and has bad energy. You don’t want to be around them. They bring you down. You automatically navigate away from them, and eagerly await their departure.

That’s bad energy.

If you feel your energy is stagnant, stuck in a place that is not positive, or you’re having trouble moving out of it, perhaps it is time to seek out someone who works with the energy in our bodies, an individual licensed in healing touch therapy or reiki.

travel work

Healing Touch Therapy

I’ve done this, and it helped immensely. The first time I availed myself of energy work with an energy healer (the energetic therapy modality), I was litigating a terrible custody battle with an attorney who was an all-around bad person. He and his client exuded so much meanness, it was hard to fight it and to stay balanced and separated from it even in my personal life.

My healing touch therapist worked with me and my energies to keep them in a good place and gave me insight and tools to stay in my own positive space.

More recently, feeling overwhelmed and out of balance, after trying so many ways to move forward, I just felt that something was stuck somewhere around the center line of my body, from my heart down to my hips. I went to my energy healer and in fact there was a lot of energy not moving in the meridian; she moved it, got it flowing through my body again, and since then I feel that I am moving forward, things are happening.

Every few weeks, I return to her to keep that energy flowing. (Interested? I highly recommend my energy healer, Nancy Zucker.

Likewise, when someone comes near you with positive energy, you always want them by your side. It’s infectious. You want to be like them.

Energy matters. Being aware of your energy state, and of those around you, during a divorce is the best way you can navigate your divorce process with keen vision and practical strategy to come out on the other side proud of what you’ve managed to achieve, ready to start the next stage of your life on strong footing.

(Read about energy healing here.)

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The Cost of Divorce

The Cost of Divorce

The Cost of Divorce

Does anyone believe divorce doesn’t come with a price?

I’m not just talking about the lawyer fees, court fees, mediation fees.

I’m not just referring to the cost of selling a house or moving to an apartment or the cost of not having your kids with you every day.

And I’m not just referring to the cost of a relationship you had thought would last a lifetime that suddenly no longer remains intact.

Plain and simple, divorce is an expensive business; and when faced with the expenses, we lose perspective, feel uneasy and cannot see that eventually, things will balance themselves out.

Recently, I worked with two different clients who both faced financial constraints as most clients do. One client, a man, left a marriage of nearly 25 years, which produced three children. My client was devastated when his wife decided to end the marriage.

While she didn’t work much during the marriage, she did manage the household, the children and the family’s finances.  As part of being the financial manager, the wife kept some of her own assets separate from her husband’s and what the husband believed they were building together during their marriage.

When they divorced, by law, the wife was entitled to keep her separate property, and they split everything they had built and shared during the marriage.

So from the husband’s perspective now, his former wife is doing quite well and the ex-husband is feeling more significant financial constraints because in addition to the wife keeping her own assets, the husband has a pretty hefty bill of child support and spousal support.

There is this concept that money is energy, and it must flow in and flow out. When we are gripped by fear, though, we often don’t feel comfortable letting it go – for fear that it won’t come back.

The thing is, when we cling to our money too tightly, it stalls the energy flow and we create an even bigger problem.

It’s all about perspective. There’s a bit of truth in every perspective, but we all know the grass looks greener in someone else’s yard.

Now, post-divorce, the former wife keeps finding things to fight about (she just can’t let go, as happens with many clients, actually) and she keeps calling in her attorney.

To my client’s credit, he is trying to not involve me but to communicate with his ex-wife directly to work out issues because he knows that it is the better way, and he also wants to avoid having even higher legal bills.

Yes, he created the situation – he believed they’d be married forever, and he was devastated to see that dream crumble. I know my client is having a hard time financially – and there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s what he agreed to.

Still, it breaks my heart to see such imbalance.

Another client, a woman, was young when her marriage ended. She worked an occasional contract job to bring in extra cash during the marriage, but her primary role was to care for the children and manage the household.  She’s now receiving spousal support and looking for permanent work. She’s having a hard time even still because at 40, it’s hard to begin a career.

And the worst part is that the ex-husband is now late in making his payments due to some variation in his  income from a second job about which he is passionate and which largely subsidized their family income during the marriage. The ex-wife stayed in the marital home, and she probably can’t afford to keep it.

We hold onto things because we want to hold onto what was, or because we think it is best for the children – but probably, we need to break free and start over, in a more affordable, manageable way, creating a new life, a new definition of self.

Nevertheless, from this ex-wife’s perspective, her former husband is still controlling the money and purposefully causing her additional financial hardship. The husband is probably thinking his ex-wife can afford everything because of what he is (or is supposed) to be paying for spousal support.

Who really knows – all we know is that it’s a tough financial road for her at this point in time. And the perspectives can be drastically different.

As happens with every divorce, these families are facing very new situations, emotionally and financially. In my experience, I’ve come to see that everything does settle out over time. It just takes time and we’re often not all that patient.

In each of these cases, very different divorces, very different people, one receiving payments, one paying out –both individuals are struggling.

If for even a moment, you can recognize the other person’s perspective, you might feel better. It’s not the time to try to empathize with the person who left you, or whom you left.

But for your own sake, internally accepting that the other person may be struggling,too, may offer moments of peace amongst the chaos.  And, over time, the finances, along with your emotions, will balance out. Try to be patient.

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