Introducing Our Family in Two Homes – a divorce resource now offered by Transitions Legal!

Introducing Our Family in Two Homes – a divorce resource now offered by Transitions Legal!

by | Jan 17, 2022 | Collaborative Divorce, Family Law, Legal Process, Transitions Legal News

Introducing Our Family in Two Homes – a divorce resource now offered by Transitions Legal!

If I had a resource like Our Family in Two Homes (OFTH) when I was getting married and raising children, I would have been so supported!

It never occurred to me way back when, nor does it to most people, to think through and articulate my values, my perspectives, and my beliefs on parenting, partnership, finances and more – and if I had, I bet I could have avoided many marital arguments or parenting disconnects.

Most people don’t really think through these things when it comes to the most important relationships of our lives because it’s just not embedded in our culture to do so. Think about all the romantic movies you’ve enjoyed in your life, which painted a picture of relationships as easy, automatic and synergistic. That rarely happens in real life.

Of course, I see couples when things have gone so wrong, they’ve given up hope that they can stay together. Nonetheless, I am excited to offer OFTH as a unique resource to help couples who are contemplating divorce, already decided to split or going through mediation.

They begin by going through pages 1-13 of the workbook, where they’ll find questions to help them get in touch with what is important to them for the divorce process. These pages cover communication, trust, emotions, values, expression tendencies and more.

It goes so much deeper than the kids or the house. What I love about this resource is how it helps clients discover their personal and collective core values and decision-making preferences. There is a lot of work people can do on their own before they come to an attorney, and this work helps them be more efficient with their attorney, which can sometimes reduce overall legal costs and time spent negotiating.

An example of this is when a client comes to me and insists they want to keep the house, but they’re not sure they can afford to do so, I have to dig deep with them to determine first what is important to them about the house. Then we explore the feelings behind it. That can take a lot of time at billable rates! I enjoy doing this kind of work with my clients. I am also aware that some clients are watching their money. This can save them on fees that might be needed further down the road, or better yet for their kids’ college education.

But if the same client worked through this on their own with the workbook, they would save time spent with me, their attorney, and get moving on the actions required to facilitate their breakup.

I use OFTH in Collaborative Divorce cases and also in Mediation. Individuals can purchase the workbook directly from Transitions Legal, and in doing so, they also get three consulting hours with me as they work through it.

The goal is for people to understand themselves better and understand the divorce process more. Also, they gain insights in how they interact and communicate, which helps an attorney know what they are dealing with in the case. They can draw out an introverted spouse or respectfully ask an extroverted spouse to give the other person some time to speak.

There are, of course, instances where using this workbook might help a couple to identify some of their nagging problems and decide to work on resolving them in an effort to stay together. That’s a lovely outcome when it happens!!

Regardless of the situation, anyone who uses this resource will gain clarity. They’ll understand elements of divorce like parenting time and custody, and know how these are established in the state of Michigan, where I practice. They’ll also know the background of the law to help them reach their decisions.

People often say, “I don’t know what I don’t know.” This resource gives you what you want to know.

To learn more about Our Family in Two Homes or to purchase the workbook-consulting package, click here.

The Freedom You’ll Find After a Divorce

The Freedom You’ll Find After a Divorce

by | Jul 5, 2021 | Legal Process

The Freedom You’ll Find After a Divorce

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For many people, divorce means freedom.

Freedom from an overbearing or underwhelming relationship. Freedom from the obligations to please a person they just can’t please. Freedom from the trappings of a go-nowhere relationship. Freedom to become who they feel they are at this point in life.

That freedom can be exciting, and it can be scary, too. Having both of those feelings is absolutely to be expected and 100% normal. 

I encourage divorcing clients to create a plan for what they will do with the time, space and quiet post-divorce. So often, they see only the leaving and not what life will be like after they’ve left.

They don’t see the potential loneliness, only the open calendar. They don’t see the way a Sunday can feel long and empty when there is no one to share it with. And they certainly can’t see that even if they initiate a divorce, they, too, will experience loss, pain and sadness as they mourn the death of the relationship.

Of course, they also can’t see what comes after that, which is beauty, possibility, and a new sense of self.

The plan you can create to guide your post-divorce freedom should include a small circle of go-to friends that you’re comfortable calling if you need to talk or want to hang out. These are friends who don’t judge your relationship’s end or your newfound singleness.

Some friendships will end because those are the people who only knew you in the context of your relationship. That’s ok. Perhaps they served their purpose, just as your marriage did. Make your peace and give yourself permission to move on.

You’ll make new friends, too. Friends who are in similar circumstances. Friends you’ve been wanting to know but your prior relationship prevented that from happening. Friends you don’t expect to discover but suddenly stumble upon happily.

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Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

At first, though, the people who respond strongly to your breakup – saying, “Oh no!! How are you handling it?” Or making comments about how they never liked your partner anyway. Or other things that just don’t help – these reactions can make it harder to be alone.

You have to be ok with your breakup so they will – and surround yourself with people who support you.

In the aftermath of a divorce, start by getting to know yourself again. Use the free time without your kids or without a partner to explore what you want with your life.

Try new modes of exercise. Take a solo trip. Eat in a restaurant or go to a movie alone. Discover your neighborhood through your eyes. Get a pet. Write a letter to an old friend you’ve missed. Buy yourself an indulgent gift just because you can.

Court your relationship with yourself before you ever begin to go in search of others. Ponder and reflect on your relationship and see what you can discover about yourself and how you relate to a partner. Try to articulate what you could have done differently or what you want to do in a future relationship. And celebrate the successes, because surely there were some.

Once you become solid on your planted feet, you’ll be in a great position to start anew – with dating, with friends, perhaps even with new work. Anything is possible if you take it slowly and map it out.

The biggest mistake newly divorced individuals make is rebelling against the relationship by partying hard, hooking up with too many partners, and basically numbing the pain of the loss. Embrace the uncertainty, and the fear. It’s the only way to move through it to what is waiting on the other side.

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Photo by ABDULLA M on Unsplash

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This Is What It’s Like to Work with a Divorce Lawyer

This Is What It’s Like to Work with a Divorce Lawyer

by | Jan 4, 2021 | Family Law

This Is What It’s Like to Work with a Divorce Lawyer

Some clients might wonder what to expect when working with a divorce lawyer. While your case is on your mind 24/7, your divorce lawyer has other cases simultaneously, so it’s helpful to know how the interactions will flow once you choose the lawyer you want to work with.

Step 1: Introductory Meeting

Here, you will get to know one another and learn about the lawyer’s approach to divorce. A good lawyer should offer a picture of how often and by what methods you’ll be in touch.

What if you feel an urgency arise, or have questions?

Is email the best method of communication?

How quickly will the lawyer respond?

What if it’s over a weekend or holiday?

It’s good to establish parameters up front, so you know what to expect when you work with a divorce lawyer.

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Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Step 2: Gathering Information

It takes time to build a legal case. There will be a lengthy period during which your lawyer will ask for information, paperwork, evidence, and other resources to help build your case.

The more quickly you can gather materials, the more quickly your case will be built. That said, remember that your attorney has many clients and cases, and yours is in the queue!

A Michigan divorce can take anywhere from six months to years. Nothing happens overnight, especially when the courts are involved, but your lawyer should give you an estimate of the time frame for building your case and how quickly he or she can process the information you provide.

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Photo by Dan Dimmock on Unsplash

If your lawyer has to request documents from the other side, then the flow will depend on how quickly they respond and provide the requested information.

Delays can arise – and they are not always within your control or your attorney’s. Try to be patient, even though the case is always on your mind, with questions about how it will unfold.

Step 3: Negotiation

You may have a series of meetings with your lawyer, your soon-to-be ex and their lawyer. These require scheduling four people’s calendars, which can be cumbersome. Again, be patient as it unfolds.

In the negotiation phase, there may be issues to discuss or debate, and there may be need for further information-gathering or fact-finding. Ask your lawyer for estimates of how much time each phase will take, so you have realistic expectations every step of the way!

Time estimates often change once we dive into the details, as we know more about the type of case it is becoming.

Step 4: Finalizing

Once everything has been laid out and agreed to, finalizing your divorce still takes time. Factors can include preparing a Settlement Agreement and Judgment of Divorce with language agreeable to both sides as well as the judge’s availability to approve the Judgment and make the divorce final.

Every step of the way during your divorce, you may be eager to hear back from your attorney on progress and next steps. Divorce lawyers are as eager as their clients to complete the case to everyone’s satisfaction!

If you’re waiting to hear from your lawyer and there is no email or return call, try to be patient. It’s hard, but sometimes they are waiting for response from the other side, or confirmation from the court, and they don’t want to waste your time with empty information.

The hallmark of a good lawyer is open and flowing communication with clients. Trust that your attorney will get back to you as soon as new information becomes available!

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Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm 

Every divorce client feels a sense of urgency to get their case done and decided. It will happen; waiting is the hardest part.

Michigan divorces take a minimum of 6 months to complete. Knowing that is crucial to taking a deep breath and letting the process happen as it should.

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How to Negotiate in a Divorce

How to Negotiate in a Divorce

by | Dec 21, 2020 | Family Law

How to Negotiate in a Divorce

There is no one outcome or way to negotiate for a divorce case, because every case is as different as the people pursuing the divorce.

With that in mind, we must consider a variety of details when we negotiate the terms of a divorce. Here are some things to think about when you’re negotiating your divorce:

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Identify what is important to you.
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Consider what might be important to your spouse.
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Be willing to give up something to get something else.

I remember a great example in the book How To Get to Yes. People were in a negotiation, arguing over an orange.

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Photo by Mae Mu on Unsplash

Once they started talking, they realized one person required the skin and the other person required the pulp, so they reached resolution by hearing what the other person needed and finding a way to make it work for both of them. One person took the outside of the orange, the other took the inside, and they settled their case.

That’s how we negotiate – find ways to satisfy all needs, whenever possible.

Understanding my client’s needs, and listening to determine his or her spouse’s needs, is a key strategy I use when negotiating on behalf of my client.

People can mask hurt and anger in wanting to claim items. Take emotion out of your negotiation and think about what is FAIR.

Recently, I was involved in a negotiation where my client, who was extremely hurt by her husband’s decision to divorce, was steadfast in her desire to retain not only her premarital retirement, but also all of the growth in the account.

Her husband took the opposite position, claiming the growth on the premarital monies was also a marital asset. There were legal arguments that could support both parties.

At the same time, my client had an interest in a business. The business partnership was fraught with its own difficulties, and the husband knew all about it. It was questionable whether the business had any actual value.

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Photo by Darío Martínez-Batlle on Unsplash

I asked my client: is it worth forgoing the growth on your premarital account to avoid digging into the partnership, and keep your business intact?

In a divorce negotiation, if one spouse owns a business, you could go down a very expensive road of business valuation and end up having to give a percentage of profits, revenues or equity to an ex-spouse.

Or, you could discover that the cost of the valuation, emotionally and financially, was not worth it.

What would you give up to avoid such a cumbersome, costly process?

Certain big issues tend to be sticking points, so think about your approach before entering into negotiations.

Issues like:

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The house – who keeps it, the value of the house, and how we determine its value (market analysis or appraisal?)
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The children – custody and parenting time
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Child support – In-kind compensation (perks), travel miles as income, uncompensated work, family expenses covered by a business
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Valuations – of a business, a pension
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Spousal support – should it be paid, how much and for how long
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Property division – how to divide property, how to determine what is premarital or separate property
Before you embark on a divorce, have a heart-to-heart with yourself to determine what you’re willing to give up or compromise on, so your negotiations can go more smoothly.

No one gets everything they want; work toward achieving an optimal outcome for yourself and one you can live with that is fair for your spouse.

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Hello! My Name is Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, and I am a Divorce Lawyer

Hello! My Name is Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, and I am a Divorce Lawyer

by | Sep 28, 2020 | Family Law

Hello! My Name is Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, and I am a Divorce Lawyer

alisa peskin-shepherd

Hey there – you may already have met me on my “About” page or on the bio page of my website listing my experience. If you haven’t, let me introduce myself:

I am Alisa Peskin-Shepherd.

I have practiced family law for more than 30 years, and I love my work.

Why would Alisa Peskin-Shepherd enjoy helping people end marriages, you may ask?

It’s not the ending of marriages that I love; it’s the opportunity to work with different kinds of people and to help people understand themselves and their emotions better. I love making people feel better. And working in family law as Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, attorney and counselor at law, I can do that. The other day, I mentioned to a client that I was thinking about inviting co-counsel into our case who had an expertise that would help. The client said she didn’t want that person joining our team because “she was very cold and she didn’t feel a connection with her” the way she feels a connection with me.

I get it, says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd.

I am the kind of lawyer who wants my clients to feel a connection with me. That makes us a good team in the divorce process.

Some things you might want to know about me:

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I’m not very tall, so when I was a new attorney, I made sure to dress conservatively (and wear heels), so judges and other attorneys took me seriously. It was how I stepped into confidence as a lawyer. I looked younger than my age, but I dressed the part! (I still do. And I love to wear bright colors.)
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I still get butterflies in my stomach before a court appearance. The adrenaline helps me prepare.
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I do a TON of research and preparation. For trial, I use a Trial Notebook to go through the steps and stay organized, so I don’t forget any detail.
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I love being outside – even more since this pandemic hit! Some days, I’ll leave the office in the middle of the day to take a walk, and my favorite kind of time off is time spent in nature – hiking, kayaking, anywhere beautiful (these days, in Michigan).
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The best part of my work is my clients. I love the one-on-one, hearing their hopes and dreams, and doing what I can to make them come to life.

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