Conscious Uncoupling, Conscious Dating, Conscious Living

Conscious Uncoupling, Conscious Dating, Conscious Living

by | May 19, 2020 | Collaborative Divorce

Conscious Uncoupling, Conscious Dating, Conscious Living

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Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

A few years ago, the phrase “conscious uncoupling” fell into vogue when Gwyneth Paltrow and her ex-husband, Chris Martin, coined the term to refer to their amicable divorce.

Now, I’m seeing the phrase “conscious dating” come up a lot. When I was single, I think I consciously dated. It’s just what many people do, right?

So I began to wonder why we have to put a catchy label on just being a good person?
Being kind, considerate, respectful – these are not fads. They’re universal, evergreen ways-to-be, right?

Recently, I read an article on DailyOm about how the act of dating doesn’t have a great reputation. The article referenced stereotypical situations like dull conversation, awkward silences, and ghosting (unreturned texts or calls), which unfortunately do happen – but does that mean dating is overall a negative act?

It got me thinking that common human kindness should be the rule for any personal interaction – even if the person turns out to not be your dream-come-true. Why isn’t this the automatic state for all of us? Truly, ghosting should never happen. If we have any shred of character, why not send a quick text saying, “It was nice to meet you, but I don’t think I’m interested in going out again.” It’s clean, to-the-point, and honest.
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Photo by Hian Oliveira on Unsplash

That’s what I’m going to call Conscious Living. Making a decision to approach each day with mindfulness, pledging to be kind to every person who crosses my path, sharing my honest intentions in a transparent manner.

With dating, especially after a divorce, that means being forthright with your age and who you are. Not trying to create a bravado or facade on a dating app to snare more interest.

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Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

Because in the end, who we are shines through, no matter what masks we don or false profiles we create.

True love comes from being vulnerable and honest. The DailyOm article described conscious dating as “becoming curious – about who you are, what motivates you and what your soul most deeply desires.”

That feeds right into my definition of Conscious Living. We get one chance at this life; why not make the most of it? 

Deciding to divorce and put yourself out there again, with the hope of finding a partner you’re better suited for, does not signify failure. Divorce is a transition from one stage of life to another. The marriage you end was not a failure; it served its purpose for as long as it survived. Once we change our perspectives, and stop being so hard on ourselves, we will have a better chance of finding happiness, and success.

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The Second Most Important Decision You’ll Ever Make

The Second Most Important Decision You’ll Ever Make

by | Jul 15, 2019 | Legal Process

The Second Most Important Decision You’ll Ever Make

It’s the romantic line in an intense RomCom – this is the most important decision you’ll ever make.

Of course, in that context, the actor is likely referring to the decision to marry someone. I’m well-versed in what may be the second most important decision you’ll ever make: choosing a divorce lawyer.

Yeah, it’s a bit sour grapes to put these two ideas together, but I got your attention, didn’t I? And even more importantly, both statements are true.

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Choosing a Life Partner

Many people marry when they are young and idealistic. Choosing a life partner at that stage can be a crap shoot. Maybe it works out, and maybe it doesn’t. It takes a lot of hard work and an enduring commitment from both partners.

What long-time married folks will tell you is that a more important decision than whom you marry is the decision you make every morning when you open your eyes and glance over at the snoring lump in the bed beside you: the decision to look for the good in your partner every day to ensure that you stay married, and enjoy doing so.

When to Choose a Divorce Lawyer

Unfortunately, many people have not gotten the memo on this important decision. Successful marriages are not made by romance or luck or choosing well. They’re made by overlooking the things that annoy you about your spouse and focusing instead on the qualities you appreciate about them.

When you can no longer do this, it’s time to make another important decision: choose a divorce lawyer to walk alongside you through the process of ending your marriage.

So, how do you make that right choice? With four easy steps:

Ask for referrals.

Friends, family, colleagues, neighbors. Ask around for recommendations of family law attorneys hired by people you trust. When they give you a name and a number, ask more questions – what, exactly, did you like about this person? What do they do well? What is NOT their expertise?

Decide on your divorce path.

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This requires research and knowledge. Do you want a Collaborative Divorce? Litigation? Mediation? The most amicable divorce on the planet? Your chosen approach will lead you to people who specialize in practicing the way you want to go. And while you’re researching, check out the credentials and reviews of the lawyers referred to you. Anyone with a besmirched reputation should be crossed off the list.

Conduct interviews.

While your best friend might have loved her attorney, you might find out that the personality doesn’t match yours once you meet. Most attorneys will give free consultations where you can try each other on for size, and see if you’ll work well together. Take advantage of this, and take your time will doing so. Once you lock in on something, it can be gazelle-intense into the process.

Set a budget.

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I’m the first to admit, legal representation is not a cheap endeavor. Be realistic with yourself and your potential attorney regarding how much you have to spend. This can be an important deciding factor that determines what path you take or whom you hire.

Are you looking for a family law attorney? Set up a free consultation with me, and we’ll see if it’s a fit!

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