Companionable Divorce Archives - Transitions Legal PLLC | Law Offices of Alisa Peskin-Shepherd

Introducing Our Family in Two Homes – a divorce resource now offered by Transitions Legal!

If I had a resource like Our Family in Two Homes (OFTH) when I was getting married and raising children, I would have been so supported!

It never occurred to me way back when, nor does it to most people, to think through and articulate my values, my perspectives, and my beliefs on parenting, partnership, finances and more – and if I had, I bet I could have avoided many marital arguments or parenting disconnects.

Most people don’t really think through these things when it comes to the most important relationships of our lives because it’s just not embedded in our culture to do so. Think about all the romantic movies you’ve enjoyed in your life, which painted a picture of relationships as easy, automatic and synergistic. That rarely happens in real life.

Of course, I see couples when things have gone so wrong, they’ve given up hope that they can stay together. Nonetheless, I am excited to offer OFTH as a unique resource to help couples who are contemplating divorce, already decided to split or going through mediation.

They begin by going through pages 1-13 of the workbook, where they’ll find questions to help them get in touch with what is important to them for the divorce process. These pages cover communication, trust, emotions, values, expression tendencies and more.

It goes so much deeper than the kids or the house. What I love about this resource is how it helps clients discover their personal and collective core values and decision-making preferences. There is a lot of work people can do on their own before they come to an attorney, and this work helps them be more efficient with their attorney, which can sometimes reduce overall legal costs and time spent negotiating.

An example of this is when a client comes to me and insists they want to keep the house, but they’re not sure they can afford to do so, I have to dig deep with them to determine first what is important to them about the house. Then we explore the feelings behind it. That can take a lot of time at billable rates! I enjoy doing this kind of work with my clients. I am also aware that some clients are watching their money. This can save them on fees that might be needed further down the road, or better yet for their kids’ college education.

But if the same client worked through this on their own with the workbook, they would save time spent with me, their attorney, and get moving on the actions required to facilitate their breakup.

I use OFTH in Collaborative Divorce cases and also in Mediation. Individuals can purchase the workbook directly from Transitions Legal, and in doing so, they also get three consulting hours with me as they work through it.

The goal is for people to understand themselves better and understand the divorce process more. Also, they gain insights in how they interact and communicate, which helps an attorney know what they are dealing with in the case. They can draw out an introverted spouse or respectfully ask an extroverted spouse to give the other person some time to speak.

There are, of course, instances where using this workbook might help a couple to identify some of their nagging problems and decide to work on resolving them in an effort to stay together. That’s a lovely outcome when it happens!!

Regardless of the situation, anyone who uses this resource will gain clarity. They’ll understand elements of divorce like parenting time and custody, and know how these are established in the state of Michigan, where I practice. They’ll also know the background of the law to help them reach their decisions.

People often say, “I don’t know what I don’t know.” This resource gives you what you want to know.

To learn more about Our Family in Two Homes or to purchase the workbook-consulting package, click here.

What To Do With a High-Profile Divorce

When Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his wife of 25 years MacKenzie announced their companionable divorce in January, the friendly language surrounding it wasn’t much of a surprise.

That’s because, more and more, celebrities are announcing “amicable” divorces.

There are many issues tied up in this concept that I want to unpack. First, there’s the notion that it is easy for couples with means to divorce amicably. After all, one of the most contentious points of divorce – and of marriage! – is money. Couples who struggle financially are likely to battle about finances when they separate. Couples who don’t need to worry about money won’t worry about it in any state. Financial solvency truly paves an amicable path.

Sure, it’s easy for celebrities and millionaires to brag about how wonderful their divorce is – just like Lean In Lady Sheryl Sandberg had the luxury of taking a year off from work to grieve the death of her husband. These are luxuries most people cannot afford.

Is 25 Years a Success?

On the other hand, I do love when people talk about “after 25 years of marriage, if we could do it all again, we would.” When a couple divorces after more than two decades of marriage, they can honestly say that they gave it a good run, they are grateful for the years they were together, and they can maturely go their separate ways.

That’s what maturity does to people. It gives you perspective, which is empowering. Perspective puts divorce in the proper context.

A 25-year marriage, like the one the Bezos’ had, cannot be considered a failure. Many of those years were surely good.

There is wisdom in this statement that 25 years of marriage is a “success.” Generations ago, a 25-year marriage might have been all a couple expected, with shorter life expectancy rates.

Today, however, as people are living longer and healthier, 25 years is one period of time. Who knows what the next period holds?

Finally, when you come from a family of divorce, you have even more perspective on how you might want to live your own.

For whatever reason, we’re seeing a growing trend of amicable divorces, which can’t be a bad thing. Perhaps we can take this wisdom from the divorces of celebrity couples and apply it to our own.