Reflecting On What Matters

Reflecting On What Matters

by | Dec 6, 2021 | Off Topic

An essential first step when people decide to divorce is figuring out what matters most to them.

 In fact, I decided to offer my new workbook package, Our Family in Two Homes, to help people articulate their priorities before starting the actual divorce process. It’s that important!!

I’ve lost count of how many times the adult children of a divorcing couple field hurt and nurse wounds from their parents’ split – and the older couple did not realize this could happen because their children were already grown!

For couples with children, I hear time and time again that their kids matter most. Often, they’re not worried about money or property because their primary concern is their kids. And people are willing to give up a lot for what they perceive as their kids’ well-being.

But that can only get you so far. There are child support guidelines in the state of Michigan (and in every state), and parties can deviate from the guidelines, but only if there is a good reason to do so. Ultimately, divorcing parents must be able to provide a home and everything their kids need, so making too many financial sacrifices during a divorce won’t help as much as it may hurt.

Also, your kids may be the most important thing to you, but it’s likely they are also top priority to the other parent and you want to be careful not to create a power struggle over your children.

When older couples divorce, they often also emphasize that their family is their priority, and that might include grandchildren, children-in-law and more. Again, preserving those relationships is primary, and if the divorce becomes bitter, that can be hard to do.

I’ve lost count of how many times the adult children of a divorcing couple field hurt and nurse wounds from their parents’ split – and the older couple did not realize this could happen because their children were already grown!

When adult children take sides, it really hurts because not only are you losing your child, but you may lose access to the grandchildren. Be careful not to burden your adult children with your woes or inadvertently make them take sides – it will only hurt everyone in the long-run.

It’s always wise to consider engaging in family counseling when going through a divorce. That way, all parties can have the support they need, and everyone can work toward preserving their prized relationships as they adjust to this new family norm.

Reflecting On What Matters

The end of a calendar year is a good time to reflect on what matters to you. Whether you’re going through a divorce or not, checking in with your priorities and how they inform your life decisions is always time well spent. I recommend doing so once a year at least, to make sure you are in touch with your inner needs and living your life to the best of your ability.

Balancing Travel & Work

Balancing Travel & Work

by | Jun 16, 2020 | Off Topic

Balancing Travel & Work

travel work

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

While travel has halted or changed dramatically for most of us in the coronavirus era, before all of this unfolded, I was traveling a lot, and determined to find a way to balance my work demands with the adventure and exploration of travel.

Much of my travel has to do with family. I have sisters and my mother in other states, and we like to stay as connected as we can, visiting when possible.

But I also, like most people, love to travel to new destinations, explore other cultures and landscapes, and expand my notion of this world.

For an entrepreneur and small business owner, the biggest problem with travel (after cost) is balancing the demands of work with the desire to truly take time off to immerse in whatever journey you’re on.

My clients’ needs and caseloads are a 365/24/7 type of demand. In some industries, there are slow seasons that are perfect times to travel.

Not so in family law. My clients expect me to focus on their cases in a timely fashion and see them through this transition in their lives to the next stage with ease and fluidity. So that means if I schedule travel, it’s on me to make sure the work gets done, too.

Some people can work on planes. For me, that’s a time to read articles, proofread motions and letters, and edit documents. I try to get to the airport early, giving me downtime before my flight to make calls. It’s a good plan because I’m not rushing, I’m not stressed, I have nowhere else to be, and I can just focus, almost in a bubble, without interruption.

We need downtime to restore and relax. We cannot work around the clock – unless we want to burn out and build resentment.

travel work

Photo by Mesut Kaya on Unsplash

And, travel is a great gift, helping us connect with people in distant locales, finding the similarities that abound between all humans.

In this economic era, at the pace we Americans are so fond of keeping, we must ensure that if we do give ourselves the joy of travel, we accept the responsibility of getting the work done, too.

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Welcome to a New Decade

Welcome to a New Decade

by | Jan 1, 2020 | Off Topic

Welcome to a New Decade

travel work

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Happy New Year! It’s 2020, not only a new year, but a new decade!!

And with this change of the calendar, hopefully it’s a new YOU.

I look at the round numbers of 2020, the symmetry in the year, and I think about how I can bring symmetry and balance into my life and my work in 2020. An ophthalmologist friend of mine also pointed out that “20-20” is perfect vision! I am working with my marketing consultant on clearly visioning the future for Transitions Legal, the foundational narrative, our story, and our strategy.

It’s a fresh start, everyone!

What does this year mean in the universe?

According to tarot cards and psychic mediums, 2020 is an angel number, assuring us that angels are ready to support us in life. This means we have everything we need to live life to the fullest. The number 2020 also appears when we need to create a sense of calm. Are you there? Does this speak to you?

In numerology, the number 2020 reminds us that our only limits are the ones we place on ourselves. So, word to the wise, don’t erect walls between yourself and others this year.

travel work

“Fresh Start” by Sharon Mollerus, Flickr is licensed under CC BY 2.0

travel work

“Numerology” by Hidden Numerology, Flickr is licensed under CC BY 2.0

The number 2 resonates with vibrations and attributes of service and duty, balance and harmony, adaptability, diplomacy, cooperation, and love. Number 2 rightly signifies partnerships and relationships, two sides of things, insights and intuition.

Do you know your divine life purpose? What is your soul mission? Now might be a good time to investigate.

The number 0 carries energies of the “God” force and the universe. When 0 comes up, it signifies the importance of developing your spiritual side, looking for oneness, wholeness, potential, beginnings.
2020 is set to be a year of spirituality, a time to cultivate a rich inner life. It’s also a time to care for your partner, defend your love. (Does this sound odd coming from a divorce attorney? Love and divorce are not mutually exclusive!)

Get organized, become focused in your work life, take opportunities seriously, and most importantly – be kind, it’s a good place to start this year.

What do you see on the horizon for 2020? Share your hopes and dreams with me here.

travel work

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

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In The Room Where It Happens

In The Room Where It Happens

by | Aug 12, 2019 | Off Topic

In The Room Where It Happens

travel work

Can you feel the energy?

Can you see it pulse in the sky, beneath the clouds? Can you feel it emanate from the person seated next to you?

Is your energy swirling in the middle of your rib cage? Do you feel a vibration when you’re sure you’re sitting still?

Energy is powerful, and it’s all around us.

If you can tune in to the energy in the room when you’re going through a divorce, you will be in a better position to succeed both during the process and once it’s finished.

There is your energy, of course, which comes as a result of your emotions, fears, and apprehensions. When you can breathe deeply and calm yourself, your energy will be more balanced and fuel you for positive negotiations, leading to livable outcomes.

But the energy of others – that is something you cannot control.

You can, however, avoid responding to it.
Energy affects the process. You can either let it happen unconsciously or you can notice it, recognize it, and accept that it’s there. When you do that, it can’t control the process.

A lot of people think the idea of energy and its power is hokey-pokey, but all I can tell you is if you go to a true energy healer who is a medium, you can feel the energy as it’s moving.

travel work

Have you ever participated in that popular ice breaker where everyone stands in a circle and you hold your hands up to the people next to you, not touching, just to feel their energy buzzing? It’s real.

There is an energy around us to take with us wherever we go. It is a very real thing. (In fact, read this article about what some are terming the “Big Divorce Energy” of 2019.)

Some people believe we are energetically entwined with people we’ve had strong or long relationships with. There is a practice known as cord-cutting where you cut the energetic cords connecting you to that person, thereby freeing yourself from the hurt of the past, once and for all. (Read about it here.)

Many ancient religions believe in the energetic pathways and the need for healing when our energy is corrupted or broken. Some people believe the individuality of humans is an illusion and all that we are is energy. (Have I totally lost you on this woo-woo stuff now?)

Understand how to move and manipulate your energy.

I bet you know something about what I’m saying, even if it’s just on the surface. You know when someone comes near you and has bad energy. You don’t want to be around them. They bring you down. You automatically navigate away from them, and eagerly await their departure.

That’s bad energy.

If you feel your energy is stagnant, stuck in a place that is not positive, or you’re having trouble moving out of it, perhaps it is time to seek out someone who works with the energy in our bodies, an individual licensed in healing touch therapy or reiki.

travel work

Healing Touch Therapy

I’ve done this, and it helped immensely. The first time I availed myself of energy work with an energy healer (the energetic therapy modality), I was litigating a terrible custody battle with an attorney who was an all-around bad person. He and his client exuded so much meanness, it was hard to fight it and to stay balanced and separated from it even in my personal life.

My healing touch therapist worked with me and my energies to keep them in a good place and gave me insight and tools to stay in my own positive space.

More recently, feeling overwhelmed and out of balance, after trying so many ways to move forward, I just felt that something was stuck somewhere around the center line of my body, from my heart down to my hips. I went to my energy healer and in fact there was a lot of energy not moving in the meridian; she moved it, got it flowing through my body again, and since then I feel that I am moving forward, things are happening.

Every few weeks, I return to her to keep that energy flowing. (Interested? I highly recommend my energy healer, Nancy Zucker.

Likewise, when someone comes near you with positive energy, you always want them by your side. It’s infectious. You want to be like them.

Energy matters. Being aware of your energy state, and of those around you, during a divorce is the best way you can navigate your divorce process with keen vision and practical strategy to come out on the other side proud of what you’ve managed to achieve, ready to start the next stage of your life on strong footing.

(Read about energy healing here.)

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Let’s Own Our Roles

Let’s Own Our Roles

by | May 6, 2019 | Family Law

Let’s Own Our Roles

travel work

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Dear Clients, 

You may not understand what happens behind the scenes of your case, so I’d like to let you in on the inside view. 

We work really hard for you. We hear everything you say. We feel your pain. We know this is a trying time in your life, perhaps the most trying time you’ve ever faced. 

We know this is URGENT for you. We know you want to move it along as quickly as possible, just to escape the pain.

We hear you. We see you. We know. 

That said, you must understand that divorce is a process and it takes time to unfold. Your divorce will take as much time as it needs to. There are many moving parts, many voices, many facts and many ways to interpret them.

roles

You want instant answers and instant outcomes, but that is not realistic. It’s frustrating, we know. It’s disconcerting to not have an immediate response. Please know that while you are not our only client, when we are with you, our sole focus is on you and your case. But when we part, we have to do other work, or behind-the-scenes work, or even take a breather to maintain our personal sanity.

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You know it’s not your-case-all-the-time and you wouldn’t want it to be.

We listen carefully, we read between the lines, we are straightforward with our expectations and opportunities. We ask that you do the same. If you can, we’ll get along just fine.

We are glad you’re here. We hope you are, too. We will all get through this, despite the bumps in the road, the pitfalls and unexpected curve balls. It is important we own our roles. We’re here to guide you through the bad times and the good. And there will be good. Trust us. It will work out in the end. 

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