Don’t Make the Same Mistake Twice

by Alisa Peskin-Shepherd | Aug 2, 2021 | Family Law

When people get out of a relationship, they vow to never make the same mistakes in the next relationship.

They think they have such clarity, such vision about what went wrong and what they won’t do or tolerate again. They vow to never divorce a second or third time, to not have similar fights, to choose a different kind of partner.

But let’s be honest – how often does that happen?

The key to avoiding subsequent divorces and bad relationship choices is taking time to be alone before rushing into your next relationship. Give yourself time to know yourself after the first breakup, and really ponder what your part was in the dissolution of the marriage.

You are more likely to repeat the same mistakes, in your next relationship, if you don’t gain that clarity and insight. It takes time to really think about.

Plus, it takes relationship mistakes to understand what you need in a relationship. So, what do the mistakes of the past tell you about what you need in the future?

The other thing about new relationships post-divorce is that, once you’ve committed to someone and spent a good number of years together, your needs and desires change and evolve. You aren’t the same person at 25 as you are at 45.

Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels

In early adulthood, we look to build a future with someone. Later in life, we look for different things in a relationship – like companionship and understanding.

I help a lot of clients through what is known as Gray Divorce – ending a marriage after age 50. At that point, they’ve amassed property and assets, they’ve likely had kids and raised them, and so what they want in a new relationship is a sense of peace and stability – not complication or tumult.

Family might still be important in those relationships, but you’re not looking to build a family together the same way as when you’re younger. You do, however, want your kids and their kids to like each of you and each other. There are a lot of details in subsequent relationships and time is required to make sure you’re in the right one.

The only way to not make the same mistakes over and over is to know yourself and take your time. There is no way around it. After all, a relationship is a marathon, not a race – and you surely want to reach the finish line, don’t you?