Reconciliation: Yes, It Can Happen!

by Alisa Peskin-Shepherd | Jun 20, 2018 | Collaborative Divorce

Recently, a couple I’d been working with in the collaborative divorce process decided to reconcile.

What a happy day for everyone!

Seriously, I am not joking. We love it when people find a way to peacefully and happily resolve their issues. Whether that means going their separate ways or finding their way back to each other. No harm, no foul.

It was a great team of professionals working together. We called ourselves the Dream Team because things were going so smoothly.

Even when something difficult came up, we all worked at it, as did the clients.

Through the communication that was going on during the meetings, our clients heard each other differently and they thought, “You know what? Maybe we can make this work.”

This couple initiated their divorce several months back. We had already met as a group six or seven times, when the clients called to ask if the divorce coach could work with them to repair their marriage instead of divorcing.

The way it works in collaborative practice, the divorce coach checked in with the rest of our team to make sure this was kosher. We all gave our blessing – with the understanding that if, at some point, the couple decided they just couldn’t stay together, the divorce coach wouldn’t be able to continue in the collaborative model. Conflict of interest.

But we’re all hopeful it won’t come to that.

The couple has three children together. They’re finding a new way into being happy as a couple and as a family.

I think it’s great. I think the fact that they were communicating and hearing each other differently, that we gave them a safe place to do that, is a beautiful thing.

To be honest, it’s the first time it’s ever happened to me during the collaborative process.

I’ve had people comment during facilitated mediation, “Why didn’t we do this before? We’re communicating with each other so much better.”

But reconciliation? Anything is possible!! Happy endings all around.

This couple was young, both just turning 40, They’d been separated for a year; the husband had already purchased another house. They’d gone through incredible stressors together. And they had tried to get back together once already.

When they decided to make it work, I wrote a note to the wife, who was my client, commending her and wishing her success on this new path.

I love that they connected so well with the divorce coach that they wanted to work with her in marriage therapy. Not every therapist can be effective; when you have the chemistry, you’ve got to keep it!