Recently, I made the difficult decision to practice law a little differently. I decided to stop taking divorce cases that require litigation. It’s a huge gamble in an industry when most cases use the overburdened courts for this purpose, and most people don’t know that other possibilities for family dispute resolution exist!
But I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I am ready to shift away from litigation to focus only on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. I know it’s the right thing to do, and it feels great to make the leap.
It’s risky, I’ll admit. Any business owner knows that when they stop doing what they’ve always done and start doing something that is unfamiliar to their clients, they’re taking a risk that may lead to a financial hit.
Usually such hits are temporary, until you can re-educate people in the options available to them and why this new approach makes sense.
Still, litigation is the bread-and-butter income of a divorce law practice. Duking it out over parenting time and who gets the house is what divorce is made of. Or has been made of.
As a more-than-thirty-year practitioner of family law, I’ve done more than my share of litigation.
But I stopped enjoying it long ago. In fact, I’ve grown to loathe litigation.
Why?
Because it’s mean-spirited, combative and leaves all parties feeling worse than when they started—which in a divorce, is pretty bad to begin with.
Why I Dislike Litigation
Many litigators I know love to argue. They enjoy the fight. And many lose sight of the fact that they are in court on behalf of hurting clients.
They forget that nobody really wins in a divorce or a battle over parenting time—even if one person gets all the money or more time with the kids.
I made this decision, and then a potential client called my office asking me to take on her case. She’d been referred to me by a past client who sang my praises, and this woman believed I was the answer to her difficult divorce.
Her praise fed my ego, to be sure, and I felt that spark of energy that comes from knowing I could help her.
But she wanted a court-based divorce with lots of litigation.
It was tempting, I’ll admit. A test from God, to see if I have what it takes to make a tough business decision and stick to it.
I took a deep breath and recentered myself.
Tempted though I was, I did not take the case. Instead, I spoke with her about my approach and educated her about alternative processes available to dissolve her marriage.
I wanted her to at least have the opportunity to talk with her spouse, who had already started down the path to the courthouse, but who could decide to put that approach aside if he was willing to resolve their issues without litigation.
Just having the conversation ignited my passion and reinforced my decision.
The Business of Being a Good Lawyer
According to academics in the business management program at University Canada West, “To succeed, an entrepreneur needs to have a set of skills that can help them identify opportunities, make effective decisions, turn their ideas into reality, overcome challenges and properly allocate resources to achieve goals.”
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce concurs, saying, “Successful entrepreneurs tend to be reasonably self-confident…and extremely passionate about their ideas.”
It took time for me to gain enough confidence to make big changes. I’ve considered letting go of litigation for a few years, but I didn’t make the leap because litigation cases filled a need for my business—namely, a steady revenue stream.
Feeling disgruntled with the process but not yet ready to make a big shift, I changed my approach to litigation to be one of empathy and compassion. Not many litigators exhibit either trait. This became my niche within the litigation world.
In a Battle, No One Really Wins
But eventually, I grew tired of the unreasonableness I’ve seen in court during divorce arguments. I no longer want to battle on behalf of clients bartering for more parenting time just to make sure the other parent gets less. Neither parent can see clearly how much their fight hurts their children, and I don’t want to promote such behavior.
I care more about considering the long-term effect on children of every detail of a divorce. I don’t want to be party to bad-mouthing one parent to the children. I don’t want to take money from a parent defending against petty or false accusations spewed by their co-parent.
No matter how much my effort is appreciated, and even if we “win,” it doesn’t feel good.
I founded my law firm in 2013. Entrepreneurs must make hard decisions to grow their business and continue to enjoy their work. Sometimes, those decisions are difficult and risky but driven by a belief that in the long-run, it’s the right thing to do.
I’ve trained in Collaborative Divorce and Insight Mediation. I know I can still earn a good living, do meaningful work and run a principled law firm, without litigation.
When I started my business, I named the firm Transitions Legal—evidence that this is not business as usual. A successful entrepreneur takes chances and trusts their instincts—even if it’s scary to do things differently.
As in conflict resolution, growth and greatness come when we move beyond discomfort to find new possibilities, create innovative solutions, and build lasting change.