Married & Counting

by Alisa Peskin-Shepherd | May 1, 2018 | Off Topic

What makes a successful marriage? And what makes a marriage a failure?

Getting divorced does not necessarily mean a marriage failed. It could have run its course. It could have served a purpose for less than till-death-do-we-part.

I’ve worked with clients who were married for decades – 20, 30, 40 years. They raised children. They built businesses. They walked their adult children down the aisle at their weddings. They welcomed grandchildren.

Isn’t it possible that those marriages succeeded, even if they ended?

In modern society, it’s an interesting conversation to explore what, exactly, makes a successful marriage. We must stop being so hard on ourselves. Sometimes, relationships cannot last as long as we live.

People change and evolve as they go through life experiences. We have no idea what lies in store for us, and we have no idea how we will face challenges, successes, losses, and more. Sometimes, a perfect partner in your 20s is not your perfect partner in old age.

And that has to be OK.

Clients come to me and say, “I don’t regret a thing.” That makes me happy. Sometimes it’s just time to say goodbye. Kindly. Affectionately. Resignedly.

Not all divorced spouses hate each other.

Some can peacefully share celebrations and family events.

They can support one another through later-life milestones and challenges, with respect and friendship.

And move on to the next phase of their own lives, wherever that takes them.

I think it’s more than time to stop judging people for ending marriages. Divorce is not always an ending. Sometimes it’s just a transition to the next stage. Let’s wish everyone well and reserve judgment.