Is Your Perspective Your Downfall?
Sometimes our perspective clouds our judgment. What goes on in our personal life, perception of how friends or other people see us because of our divorce or our careers or our other decisions, can limit our success in life because, frankly, so much of it is in our heads.
I know divorcees who were convinced their ex-spouses were talking negatively about them, pulling mutual friends over to their side and against them, and other catty behaviors.
Maybe they were. But when I encouraged these individuals to approach the mutual friends in question and really discover if it was happening, often they were relieved to find that in fact no such behavior was going on. Or, if it was, the friend cared enough that he or she wasn’t going to take on the negativity because that is what it is – someone else’s negativity.
For the most part, our friends are living their lives. And the sneaky truth is that most people think the best by default.
When you are experiencing the difficulties of divorce, you think it’s all about you when maybe you have nothing to do with it at all.
A friend stops calling and we think it’s because of the divorce or because someone said something bad about us or because they don’t like us anymore when really the person in question is dealing with a sick relative or a job loss or their own depression and worry.
How self-involved can we be? As difficult a step as it may be, reach out to that friend – see what happens. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised and more optimistic because of your conversation.
Friends, true friends, remain, regardless of the bumps of life. We go through many ups and downs over the years, and divorce may just be one of them. Any friend worth being called a friend wouldn’t let a relationship end because you choose to not be married anymore.
The stories in our heads are really fictitious. Our perception of how people perceive us is one way. When we actually talk to them, give the benefit of the doubt, not stay within our own thoughts, and reach out, we may be pleasantly surprised at the true friendship that’s really there.
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