Find Joy Where You Can
You’re getting divorced. The marriage ended. Does that mean you have to be bitter and sad?
What if you could actively pursue those moments worth celebrating and cherish what went right despite the relationship’s ultimate end?
You have to find joy where you can, and love is always worth celebrating!
Even when relationships go bad, the very fact that we had them for even a short while should make us feel happy about the possibilities for love.
When we open our eyes and look at life’s joys, we can focus on the positives gained from a relationship and carry those forward into our next stage.
It’s not always right in front of you, the joy. Sometimes you have to really dig for it. However, if you focus on the positives, you can find the joy on a cloudy day, on a day when you are snowed in, on a day fraught with meetings and calls and obligations.
The upside to a snow day: you get to spend the day at home because you can’t get out, and there’s something to be said for spending time at home, whether alone or with the kids.
The upside to a relationship ending: It also existed, and there was something special there for a while, so to have had that life experience, to have had that love, is still worth celebrating. Be happy about its time in your life and the joy you can hold close even after you leave.
For my clients going through divorce, it’s a much healthier perspective if they can see not only the good in that relationship even though it ended but also as they move through the process, the good in ending that relationship, even if it’s somebody who didn’t want the divorce.
As they move through it, they see things that were wrong and what they don’t have to deal with anymore and it makes people feel better.
I remember one client who absolutely did not want the divorce, all of a sudden one day her mood just changed because she realized there were so many things that she was accepting that were not fulfilling in the relationship that she was not going to have to deal with anymore.
Another client who had a positive attitude throughout believed they were great friends but didn’t have the chemistry to create intimacy, which is an important part of any relationship. Now that it’s all over, she’s really happy that she did this. She and her ex get along great, she’s happy for him that he’s dating somebody new.
Happiness is a choice. What will you choose?
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The end of a calendar year is a good time to reflect on what matters to you. Whether you’re going through a divorce or not, checking in with your priorities and how they inform your life decisions is always time well spent.
November is often considered a month to focus on gratitude, and I believe gratitude and patience are important assets in divorce. First, you can’t be angry and appreciative at the same time. One must outweigh the other.
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