Divorce Coaching

by Alisa Peskin-Shepherd | Jan 30, 2017 | Family Law

I’m in love with the idea of divorce coaching – and not just because it makes my job easier!!
Because I think it’s brilliant.

What is divorce coaching, you ask?

It’s inviting a professional to work with you for the sole purpose of getting through the emotional side of your divorce.

A divorce coach is a mental health professional who is trained in Collaborative Divorce and with this expertise, can really help you focus on why you’re reacting a certain way to your someday-to-be ex spouse and help to change that reaction. The divorce coach can also assist you and your spouse as you make decisions about parenting time and how you will co-parent your children.

We use divorce coaches a lot in the Collaborative Divorce process, but there’s no reason you can’t reach out to a divorce coach during a court-based family law case. Or even just when you’re considering divorce, before you embark on the process.

Check out this blog I wrote about a divorce coach I love to work with.

In a Collaborative meeting, when divorce coaches are present, they keep meetings on track and train their eyes for certain behaviors that could impede the process.

A recent example: The professionals in a Collaborative Divorce were in a meeting and talking about how things were going; we were each sharing our view of the parties in the case in order to create a common narrative about the marital relationship. (This is common in Collaborative practice as it helps the professionals move the case forward using a shared perspective.)

In this particular example, progress had been slow, with both parties holding on to one another and the marriage for various reasons.

Anyway, one of the clients got very emotional, had her head down when we were talking about finances. She ceased participating in the negotiations and looked like she was going to crash.

At that point, without the presence of the divorce coach, the other attorney and I would have stopped negotiations. But the divorce coach told us to keep going. She knew the situation and encouraged us to proceed because she understood that this party was emotionally manipulating the situation to stall the divorce.

Afterward, we reflected that there is always a basis for one of the clients to rationalize the need to stop the meeting. That’s why it had been going so slowly.

The divorce coach knew this was the client’s way of trying to stop the process, unintentionally – all based in emotion.

A divorce coach brings clarity to the process and helps move it forward cleanly, overcoming the very real emotions that arise.