Conscious Uncoupling, Conscious Dating, Conscious Living

by | May 19, 2020 | Collaborative Divorce

conscious

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

A few years ago, the phrase “conscious uncoupling” fell into vogue when Gwyneth Paltrow and her ex-husband, Chris Martin, coined the term to refer to their amicable divorce.

Now, I’m seeing the phrase “conscious dating” come up a lot. When I was single, I think I consciously dated. It’s just what many people do, right?

So I began to wonder why we have to put a catchy label on just being a good person?

Being kind, considerate, respectful – these are not fads. They’re universal, evergreen ways-to-be, right?

Recently, I read an article on DailyOm about how the act of dating doesn’t have a great reputation. The article referenced stereotypical situations like dull conversation, awkward silences, and ghosting (unreturned texts or calls), which unfortunately do happen – but does that mean dating is overall a negative act?

It got me thinking that common human kindness should be the rule for any personal interaction – even if the person turns out to not be your dream-come-true. Why isn’t this the automatic state for all of us?

Truly, ghosting should never happen. If we have any shred of character, why not send a quick text saying, “It was nice to meet you, but I don’t think I’m interested in going out again.” It’s clean, to-the-point, and honest.

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Photo by Hian Oliveira on Unsplash

That’s what I’m going to call Conscious Living. Making a decision to approach each day with mindfulness, pledging to be kind to every person who crosses my path, sharing my honest intentions in a transparent manner.

With dating, especially after a divorce, that means being forthright with your age and who you are. Not trying to create a bravado or facade on a dating app to snare more interest.

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Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

Because in the end, who we are shines through, no matter what masks we don or false profiles we create.

True love comes from being vulnerable and honest. The DailyOm article described conscious dating as “becoming curious – about who you are, what motivates you and what your soul most deeply desires.”

That feeds right into my definition of Conscious Living. We get one chance at this life; why not make the most of it? 

Deciding to divorce and put yourself out there again, with the hope of finding a partner you’re better suited for, does not signify failure. Divorce is a transition from one stage of life to another. The marriage you end was not a failure; it served its purpose for as long as it survived.

Once we change our perspectives, and stop being so hard on ourselves, we will have a better chance of finding happiness, and success.

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