I am asking my Detroit legal community to shift their mindset about what it means to Mediate.
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To look at divorce through a whole new lens, really.
To be open to Collaborative Divorce, to Insight Mediation, to out-of-court approaches to dissolving a marriage.
I want this so that we can all work together and build a more mindful, options-focused family law community.
In the past, I’ve been scared to go against the norm because of what it might mean for my firm’s success (and frankly, my financial independence). I’ve done it anyway, but I’ve been hesitant all the while. Sticking with the way things have always been done, even if it goes against my instincts, feels easy and safe because people already know that one way to effect divorce.
It used to be that Mediators held just one Mediation session, period. One Session??! How can we Mediate a divorce in just one meeting?
Now, we know that it’s not one and done. It can’t be! We need time to make sure all the details of the Mediation are right, that clients have time to sit with their choices and make sure they’re on board.
And we as Mediators must respect the clients and the process.
Divorce takes time. It takes time to consider whether it’s the right move for a marriage, and it takes time to summon the courage to file. It takes time to consider all the options that build the Divorce settlement, and it takes time to adjust to the new reality.
Time is usually at a minimum in a run-of-the-mill divorce.
But if you shift your perspective on what divorce and family law can look like, then you have nothing but time. Because then it’s all dictated by the clients’ values, desires, and timeline, and the practitioners respect their clients enough to allow that.
Instead of me against you, let’s come into the room together.
I’m not telling people what to do. I ask, curiously, questions intended to break down defenses. That’s the most important skill in Mediation, so we can lead clients to their own good decisions and outcomes.
And trust them to know what’s best for their families.
I don’t repeat back what they say, either. Instead, I take the conversation in another, more productive direction.
Getting to specific feelings and realizations, which leads people to reflect on what’s going on with them vs. being defensive to protect themselves from further hurt.
I hope people are attracted to this form of Mediation. It’s powerful!
And it’s an option to avoid going to court, which people hate, attorneys included. Clients hate putting their fate in someone else’s hands, and they hate paying expensive attorney fees.
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More people are doing their own divorces, these days, but they don’t really know what they’re doing. A Mediator can educate them and help them make decisions that are best for them and their family.
Then everyone wins. And isn’t that the point?