A Divorce Attorney’s Perspective on Marriage

by | Jan 31, 2016 | Off Topic

There are some things I’ve learned about marriage by watching the dissolution of marriage throughout the past 30 years as a family law attorney. I am certainly not an expert, but here are a few of my insights:


  • Marriage is hard. It is never easy. Even if in the beginning it looks easy. And the longer you are with someone, the more comfortable you get, which can actually make things harder if you are taking your spouse for granted. I know it sounds counterintuitive but it’s true!
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  • Being with someone for many years has ups and downs. The ups are great, the downs not so much. And the cycle usually goes back to the ups. If you want it to.
  • Marriages end because of a whole lot of factors – not just one thing. If someone cheats, say, that’s not usually the reason the marriage ends. There’s a lot of history that led to the cheating. And both parties are culpable.
  • Marriage is a commitment. You have to want to stay. You have to want it to work. You have to want to view your partner in a beautiful and forgiving light. So I guess I’m saying, marriage is a choice. A choice you make every single day.
  • The people you love so fully you can hate equally as much. People who once pledged their undying love and pasted that love all over Facebook can get really mean and vindictive. Because love and hate are two sides of the same coin.
  • It’s not marriage that’s the problem. It’s our attitudes. It’s our decision to give up. Marriage is not a living, breathing thing. We have to breathe life into it. And we can kill it just as easily.

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Reflecting On What Matters

Reflecting On What Matters

The end of a calendar year is a good time to reflect on what matters to you. Whether you’re going through a divorce or not, checking in with your priorities and how they inform your life decisions is always time well spent.